Sunday afternoons in the jungle were usually full of celebration with monkeys jumping from tree to tree, eating ripe bananas as the old seer monkey told the story of alien replication.
The old seer usually told how the Great Spirit sent the two sterile lifeforms from Yerannus to Eradicus to reproduce and populate Eradicus with pure alien lifeforms. But, he reminded them that the aliens became obsessed with replication, disrespected the wishes of the Great Spirit, started enjoying mating too much, and their offspring started bearing the resemblance of monkeys.
Some of the monkeys were blonde, some black, and some brown. Because of the tension between the various shades of monkeys, the Great Spirit divided the monkeys into groups, sending the dark or choco monkeys to Afreekus, the brown or latte monkeys to Americus, and the blonde or vanilla monkeys Eurekus. But the Eurekus monkeys dominated and were highly favored by The Great Spirit, and this is why we took over Americus.
The old seer told the monkeys in attendance why they believed the Eurekus monkeys dominated the jungle. He shared with them that they favored all other monkeys and were destined to rule all other monkeys. Because we were the favorite monkeys, we conquered and freely jumped from every tree we liked anywhere on the great planet. The great spirit above all monkeys favored us.
The gathering was more significant than usual because there would be a family picnic at the culling tree, and all the families had invitations. But this Sunday was different in the jungle. Bubbastan jumped from tree to tree with his father Bubba to reach the culling tree location and all the other vanilla monkeys.
Bubbastan was from the vanilla monkey tribe but had lots of questions for his father, Bubba. So Bubbastan asked, “gee Dad, why are we going to the culling tree today?” Bubba replied, “cause we bout to send one of dem there uppity choco monkeys back to the Great Spirit.” “Wow, dad,” exclaimed Bubbastan, “going back to the great spirit must be cool!”.
“But why does he want to go back to the Great Spirit?”. “Does he not like it here in the jungle with the rest of us monkeys?” questioned Bubbastan. “Lil monkey, we bout to send Uncle Tomater one a dem choco monkeys back to the Great Spirit cause he was eyeing one of the female vanilla monkeys,” said Bubba. “But dad,” retorted Bubastan with great confusion, “Uncle Tomater is my good friend, and I play with his daughter all the time. Whenever I go to his house, they feed me banana cou-cou cause they only get green banana rations, not like the ripe ones we get”.
“Listen, Lil Bubastan, would you like these scary-looking choco monkeys with the broad noses, big backs, and aggressive nature mating with us vanilla monkeys?” asked Bubba. “Why if we allowed them, they would take over the jungle, put one of their kind as seer and head choco monkey in charge (HCMIC); we might all have to live like how they live,” Bubba continued. “We went to Afreekus and found them running around without even wearing a fig leaf and unable to understand how we grunt. So we stuff a bunch of them in barrels and bring them to Americus, so we could live high in the trees and have them clean up we dung pon de grung.”
“But Dad,” pleaded Bubbastan, “I love Uncle Tomater, he treats me nicely, and I don’t want him to leave.” “Bubbastan, he is not leaving. We are going to send him to the Great Spirit cause he wanted to climb one of the tall trees where we live to look at one a we female vanilla monkeys.”, replied Buba monkey. “OK, dad, now I understand; Uncle Tomater is a monkey just like we, but because he is a choco monkey, he should not be high up in the tree wid we.” “Thanks for explaining, dad; let’s send he to de Great Spirit, and dad, I wanna be just like you when I grow up.”.
Story by Choco Stan, PhD