Don’t kiss French Poodles
There is a downside to kissing French poodles. The poodles would like you to French kiss them because they believe French-kissing them is normal. If you do decide to kiss an unvaccinated poodle, there are significant drawbacks.
Let me segue for a brief moment to share my most recent experiences returning to Barbados first, and then I will continue discussing French kissing French poodles.
I departed the US from Brooklyn, NY, on my most recent trip to Barbados. However, around midday Sunday, I walked into the Urgent Care clinic across from Brookdale Hospital to get a PCR test.
The process was quick. Getting tested was easy, timely, and both the nurse and FNP were professional and courteous. Once I completed my test, I provided the nurse checking me in with an email to set up an account to receive my results. The nurse told me I could return once I received communication to have them print out the results. Get stuff printed! I got a notification the same evening the results were back.
I Downloaded the BIMSAFE app and followed the instructions to fill out the ED form online. After I completed that step, I received an email with a barcode or QRcode. I Saved the results to my phone and printed out the receipt.
There was a code on the receipt I then used to log back into the BIMSAFE app to upload or complete my documents on the receipt. I finished the Health Questionnaire, uploaded my COVID test results and a copy of my COVID vaccination certificate. I made printed copies of everything. The BIMSAFE information can be done as early as 72 hours before flying.
I needed a valid passport, a ticket, and a recent PCR test to board the plane to Barbados. The test should be within three days of arrival in Barbados.
Once the plane started its final descent into Barbados, I got excited and kissed that so-in-so dog. Don’t even think about hugging French poodles on an aircraft. I will straighten this thought out later.
Once the plane landed, I got off as quickly as I could. I Rushed for the bus! I felt I had permission granted to walk around loitering parents with children, older folk than I, and dawdlers in general.
The bus was a new thing for me. Rather than taking the green mile to the main terminal, I was bussed to a makeshift facility adjoining the main facility.
Here is the new information. I got the green wristband treatment, so I’m only going to approach processing from the “green wristband” perspective.
First, the makeshift facility was quite hot! Social distancing be dammed! We were herded single file into the usual cattle drive event.
Having reached the front of the line, a matronly lady requested my passport, PCR test, and vaccine certificate.
After the lady examined my papers, she gave them back to me, turned around to another lady standing at a table behind her jealously guarding the various colored wristbands, and shouted ONE GREEN!
I got a green wristband! Yeah! Others got red, blue, orange, or some other color in the rainbow. I liked my green one. Where do I go from here? I enquired of the rainbow lady. Go into the green section, and somebody will get with you, she told me.
I proceeded to the “green section,” received a number, and waited patiently for my number to get called. There was no automation in the makeshift facility, so I waited my turn.
Finally, number 79! That was my number. An attendant came over with a clipboard and asked me several questions. Where was I staying, a good contact number, passport number while another attendant scribbled something on a test tube. The attendant handed me the test tube and instructed me to follow a line. There was no line. However, I arrived at a COVID test station with the phial in hand.
After a short quiz about my name and birthdate, most likely to check for dementia, the testing person instructed me to have a seat; she sanitized my hands and then did a lobotomy through my nostril. You can put on your mask and leave, she said. I can say that the test was not as deep as some I had before that one in Barbados.
I arrived at the main terminal, and an attendant greeted me and requested a printout of the online ED form. The matronly lady instructed me to walk the “green mile” while wearing the “green wristband. “. I fumbled for the form and inadvertently dropped all my US currency on the floor. Everyone around pretended as though nothing happened while I collected my 100 $1.00 bills.
The attendant ushered me next to immigration. A quick check of my passport and the usual “welcome home.” I love to hear that—the final step before I escaped in processing.
After I departed immigration, I met one more person who instructed me to sanitize, and she asked me some questions. I don’t recall. I proceeded to the baggage claim area.
Why I won’t French kiss French poodles in the baggage claim area either. I greeted this lovely couple who sat in my row on the plane in the baggage claim area. I was so excited to tell them about Barbados. I showed them some of my pictures of Barbados and gave them a history lesson on slavery. These were some friendly Americans. How long are you staying on the island? I asked the man. A couple of weeks, he said. We are going to have a medical procedure, so we decided to turn it into a vacation.
I noticed he was wearing a red bracelet and a white electronic device. Why all the hardware? I asked. Since we have a medical procedure, we opted not to get the vaccine, which was his answer. I could not find enough soap to wash my tongue after French kissing that unvaccinated French poodle. Yes, they wore masks on the plane, but if I knew these poodles were unvaccinated, I would have taken a four-hour nap.
Check-in at the hotel was easy. I went to my room, showered, brushed my teeth long and hard, rid myself of the hideous thoughts of kissing a poodle, ordered some food, ate, and went to sleep.
Within 24 hours, I received an email from the Ministry of Health with the excellent news and they released me to splash in the ocean.
Here are the three things I learned on this trip:
- Come prepared to Barbados with printouts of everything
- Assume everyone around you did not get vaccinated, and it might be contagious. Be cautious.
- Don’t French-kiss French poodles because they are French. They might be unvaccinated and contagious
opinion by: Stan Brooks
