Chimborazo had no shortage of colorful characters. Perhaps, one of the most interesting persons was Fitts Dolly. No one, as I recalled, ever separated his two names when referring to him. He was always mentioned as Fitts Dolly.
Fitts Dolly was a short, stocky, red man. He had light brown eyes, curly salt-n-pepper hair, and barely smiled at anyone. Fitts Dolly worked the land, was often seen wearing a khaki outfit that had seen better days, and he wore no shoes. The soles of his feet were black from walking on the hot tarmac and trudging through the fields. The palms of his hands were like leather from forking and working the land.
Fitts Dolly was no stranger to controversy. He got into few arguments because many of the villagers were afraid of him. Sometimes, Fitts Dolly would be seen carrying his pitchfork over his shoulder, his crocus bag over the other shoulder, and his bill under his arm. Fitts Dolly was also the local man most folk engaged when they wanted a donkey hair clipped or sheep sheared. He would drag out his hedge clippers and attend to cleaning up the animals. Sometimes, he used the same hedge clippers as a barber tool to cut some of the villagers hair.
One of the things that caused most people to fear Fitts Dolly, was his menacing look and his constant sharpening of his bill. Fitts Dolly used the bill to cut sugarcane, but he also carried this very sharp bill as a weapon and would not hesitate to use it. Some of the children, though afraid of Fitts Dolly, would still tease him and then run away.
Three boys who regularly frustrated Fitts Dolly were Dripty, Joel, and Lil’ Boy. These three boys around eleven years old played together, got into trouble together, and got nuff licks together. So they decided on their way to school at St. Bernards Primary School, they would play a trick on Fitts Dolly.
It was a hot muggy day on the island. The roads were hot and a sudden downpour of rain caused steam to raise up from the surface. Dripty, Joel, and Lil Boy had just finished lunch and were walking back to school while playing with the steam coming up from the road. They had started to ascend the Chalk Hill when they spotted Fitts Dolly by Husband’s Rum Shop heading in their direction. Lil Boy convinced his buddies to hide behind Murray’s shop to scare Fitts Dolly when he passed.
Aaaarrrggghhhh!! They jumped from behind the shop and startled Fitts Dolly. They doubled over with laughter and mocked Fitts Dolly. He was not amused. With the precision of a circus knife thrower, Fitts Dolly pelted his bill at the three boys as they ran away. The bill hit the ground and went tumbling towards the boys. Joel and Lil Boy jumped over the bill, but Dripty never saw it coming and it sliced off a piece of his heel. The three boys got scared and ran all the way to school where Dripty received some medical attention.
Fitts Dolly was not happy that he didn’t injure the boys more. However, he decided to take up his case later in the evening with Mr. Branch, Lil Boy’s father. Fitts Dolly turned up at the Branch house furious and yelling. “Mr. Branch! Mr. Branch! Come outside this very now. I got a bone to pick wid you.” Mr Branch came out and asked Fitts Dolly, “wait, why you keeping so muchy noise out hey in front me house?” Fitts Dolly started complaining. “Da boy of yours en he two good fuh nuttin friends nearly gimme a heart attack today when dey jump out at me. If one ah dem wasn’t you child, I wud a kill dem wid me bill.”
“Ok Fitts,” Mr. Branch replied. “Come inside leh we deal wid dis.” Mr. Branch and Fitts Dolly went into the Branch House and interrogated the boys. Mr. Branch asked the boys, “wha wunna gone en do now?” “Nuttin daddy”, Lil Boy replied. “Well, it don’t sound like nuttin to me”, replied Mr. Branch. “Wait, wunna must be foolishing. Wunna don’t realize he could kill wunna wid da bill?” Bam! Mr. Branch throw one backhand pun Lil Boy face knocking he to the ground.
Mr. Branch told Dripty and Joel to go home and he would deal with their parents later. Mr. Branch turned to Fitts Dolly and said, “I sorry enough bout dis, come get something to eat”. Ms. Branch served up a helping of pickled cucumber with avocados, pickled chicken feet, two slices of breadfruit and a Ju-C. Fitts Dolly said, “thank you, and pass de hotsauce.”
Dr. S. MacNivan Brooks